Why
by MogadorianWolf
Summary: Joss needs to know why Vlad warned him about the other vampires after Joss almost killed him.


Why

Vlad/Joss

He was a much better person than I was- even if he was a vampire. Or maybe he was just an idiot. I slumped against his locker, nerves fluttering. It was important to talk without interfering presences, important for my sanity. I hadn't been able to leave the way my sister died alone; there was no way I would be able to leave the way he had tried to save me even after I'd almost killed him alone.

Was he just an idiot or… did I misunderstand what happened?

 _"For Cecile." I thrust the stake through his chest. My best friend. The first person I really connected with. The one I broke the Slayer rules for._

 _I watched him fall, the shock, the horror written on his face. There was no way he could survive. A stake through the heart? Not even a vampire could survive that, and I hadn't missed since the first time. Still he croaked out a warning. "Joss… behind you…"_

 _His voice was strained and worried, and out of some weird instinct, I spun to see my employer standing behind me, fangs showing. My heart dropped. I was working for a vampire. Thinking I was trying to save my family, I had taken on a vampire for an employer. Why hadn't I noticed before? I'd heard that vampires could use mind control, but I kind of thought that Slayers were immune or something. You didn't ask questions of the society, you just obeyed._

 _My employer looked down at the boy he hired me to kill, a glint in his eyes. When he looked back up at me, he licked his lips and quietly sneered: "Befriend a slayer and thought that would save him? I hope he learned a lesson from that."_

 _Something about that statement finally snapped me out of my stupor. I charged at him, raising the stake. This one wouldn't be for Cecile. This would be for Vlad. It wouldn't be a quick killing. I wanted to drag it out, wanted to make his suffer, to have blood staining my hands, my skin, like I knew it should be. For Vlad._

 _There was a flicker of surprise in his eyes as if he hadn't realized I could still be a threat. For Vlad. For Cecile. I raised the stake, wishing I had a weapon that was better suited for just swinging and swinging. Anger was just boiling up inside me. For Vlad._

 _And then his companion was there, reaching for me. I danced out of his reach, keeping track of my employer. Cecile had just been a kid when a monster like this had killed her. And if Vlad was to be believed, then my employer was closer to the kind of monster that killed her than Vlad was. They both had to go._

 _I whipped my stake into my employer's chest first. The same stake that was stained from Vlad's blood protruded from his chest. There seemed to be a just irony in that. In the next moment, I pulled the stake out and ducked the companion's strike that I anticipated coming. A smirk tugged at my lips at the familiarity of the situation, and I flipped the stake in my hand and drove it backwards through the attacking vampire's chest._

 _With both threats down, I knelt beside Vlad, my best friend, the Goth boy I had defended our first day, and he was dead because of me. Why would Vlad warn me? I killed him- betrayed him. Why would he try to save me? More importantly why didn't he fight back?_

 _My hands shook as I touched his face to close his eyes and, with a start, I realized he was still breathing, still alive. Tears sprung to my eyes as my breath came out in a partly relieved sigh. I grabbed his hand and rested my head against it. I wouldn't leave him until help came. This was my fault; I needed to own up to it. It was all my fault._

 _In the stillness I shakily breathed out the words: "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Vlad."_

"Joss." He said it flatly like he didn't know what to make of my presence. I didn't either. He left me feeling so confused.

 _Henry storms into my room, eyes blazing. "Vlad's in the hospital."_

 _I don't respond. He shoves me violently on to the floor. I don't bother fighting back, don't bother getting up. His eyes are shining with tears. I tried to kill his best friend- my best friend. In that moment I wondered who the real monster was._

" _He's in the hospital because of you."_

 _And I can't say anything to that. I can't say anything because it's true._

 _The first time I go to see him, he's asleep. He looks surprisingly peaceful for almost dying from his friend's hand. And suddenly I can't work up the nerve to face him. It's only after I've left that I realize he had a bodyguard standing over him._

 _Almost a week later, I finally work up the nerve to see him again. He's sitting up in bed this time, laughing with his vampire bodyguard. Something tightens in my chest at the sound. I bite my lip to keep from making a noise. How could he laugh, look so joyful after what had happened- after what I had done?_

 _I suck my courage up and step into the hospital room. His bodyguard's eyes darken at my approach, and Vlad sobers up. He eyes me warily, but there's no hatred in his gaze, and I don't know how to handle it. Part of me wants to burst into tears, and another part wants to stand strong against them. My fingers brushed over my stake, reassuringly, and I straightened to face them._

" _Our friendship is over Vlad, but I promise the Slayer Society won't find out about you from me," I inform and quickly walk back out. Even my courage has limits, and I couldn't face Vlad's innocent looking face or what he might say._

"I wanted to talk to you. Alone," I blurted out, pushing myself off his locker. I should be just cutting ties, not seeking him out for answers, like I had before, but I had time to really come to terms with it, and now, I couldn't leave it alone.

He looked at me warily but didn't move. So I grabbed his arm and dragged him further into the school away from the crowds surging out. Henry wasn't shadowing his master, oddly enough. He let me- trusted me. Why? I tried to kill him and very nearly succeeded. Why wasn't he trying to fight- resist?

 _I sat in the back of the classroom, staring more at Vlad than what the actual teacher was doing. He looked fine, not like he had just recovered from almost dying. I wondered how many of them even knew what had happened. My stomach squirmed at the thought._

 _Henry turned and glared at me. I ducked my head to stare at my desk instead. It was going to be a wasted school day, but maybe…maybe something else could come out of it?_

 _Vlad stood by his locker, trading his books out. Henry was hovering over his shoulder. I felt sick. It was probably the fastest I'd ever gotten to class._

I spun on him the moment we were out of view, pinning him to the lockers. His eyes widened in alarm. I wanted him to fight, to stop being so vulnerable, so trusting of me. It only built into this pit in my stomach. Everything he did only built into it. I'd almost killed him.

"What the hell, Vlad?! I tried to kill you-"

"You were being controlled by vampires, Joss. It wasn't really your fault." His eyes softened as he seemed to realize what this was about. No anger or hard emotion- just this sympathetic pity. I'd done enough crying when he was in the hospital.

I shoved him against the locker again- hard. Tears were tearing at my eyes again. Why was I always crying, as weak as Uncle Abraham thought I was? "I was sent here to kill you, Vlad. You know that! Why the heck didn't you at least try running away?"

"They were going to kill you!" He was upset now. It was all wrong.

He pushed back against me, eyes blazing, and I let my arms fall, voice so much weaker than earlier. "I came to kill you, Vlad- I wouldn't have hesitated even if vampires weren't controlling me. I'm not worth it."

"You're my friend, Joss. I wasn't going to let them hurt you." Vlad's voice had softened again, and his arms came around me- more comforting than I thought I even deserved. I tried to kill him. And yet I couldn't make myself pull away. In fact, I really wanted to bury my face in his shoulder and cry.

"Even after I went to the dance with Meredith knowing you liked her?" I asked in a small voice. I hated how weak I sounded- knew how disgusted Uncle Abraham would be with me if he knew.

"Even then," Vlad whispered right next to my ear. It was a full body hug now, and I found myself leaning into it, shivering at a comfort I hadn't had in years. I was the invisible boy. Except Vlad could always see through it from the moment I arrived.

"Why? Why are you so nice to me? I almost killed you Vlad- it should've killed you. I never miss. I know I hit your heart."

I could feel him flinch, but he continued on unwavering, "Because the first day we met, Joss, you stood up for me, and I thought you were crazy and brave and so much stronger than me. And as we started hanging out and getting to know each other better, I realized I had more in common with you than I do with Henry. I don't want to lose that."

"You know I'll have to go back to the Slayer Society, right?" I whispered. This felt too intimate, like something couples did. I didn't try to pull away.

"Do you really have to?" It wasn't quite a whine, but there was definitely a whiney undertone to it that made me start to smile for the first time since he was taken to the hospital.

I pulled away to look at him. He was blushing, and I gave him a sly grin, "Crushing much?"  
"Shut up." He shoved me away with a scowl. I couldn't help the laughter that poured out even when it earned me a glare from him. He crossed his arms and looked away, still blushing. "You try living in Henry's shadow all your life and tell me how you like it."

"Vlad. You're a vampire. You're always going to be living in the shadows." I kept my voice flat, even while a part of me soared, and he grinned. Our hands kept the link between us as we turned and started walking back out. Really who would want to spend more time in school than necessary.

We were the last out of the school- stepping out of the shadows and into the light. Vlad gave me a mischievous look and tilted his head back to the sky as he drawled, "This sure feels like sunlight."

"Smart ass."

"I think that makes us a pair." He grinned, eyeing me out of the corner of his eye in a way that made me blush and my breath catch for a moment.

"Sorry Vlad, forbidden love really isn't my thing." There really was any snap in the words, just a soft almost breathlessness that made it more a whisper than anything.

He stopped beside the curb and turned to me, suddenly serious. "So where does this leave us?"

I stared up at the clear blue sky. "The Slayer Society frowns on private contracts- and that's what this was the whole time. As far as they're concerned there are no vampires in Bathory, and I'll do everything in my power to keep it that way as long as you keep the people here safe. I already you told that- in the hospital."

"I'll always keep them safe. You never gave me time to tell you that. But what about us? Do we just never see each other again, never talk?" He sounded desperate, on the verge of pleading as he cocked his head at me. There was a deep sadness in them that I couldn't bear. It was the wrong emotion for all this. He should be relieved. If I was gone, I couldn't stab him in the back again.

There was a lump in my throat, and I found I couldn't meet his eyes any longer and moved to stare at the sidewalk instead. We were getting some curious looks, but I ignored them in favor of telling him, "It's the way it has to be Vlad. The Slayer Society would never let me go. Trust me. We've already tried."

He huffed, sounding irritated, and I finally looked up at him. He was staring off toward the street, scowling. I was supposed to be his mortal enemy- the guy that wouldn't quit until one of us was dead- and here he was pouting because I was leaving. Maybe the Slayer Society was all wrong because Vlad wasn't like any other vampire- I'd really gotten to know him beyond that. To force myself to leave like this was heartbreaking, but it had to be done for his own sake, for my sanity's sake; I couldn't take another incident like this. Maybe I could slip back over here for the holidays, visit him under the pretense of seeing my family, but that was as far as it could go.

I sighed, kissing my fingers and pressing them to his check. He jolted, turning bright red as he met my gaze. The smile I tried to give him was nowhere near the positive sign it was meant to be. "This is goodbye."

"I hate goodbyes."

That's how I left it, with him not really saying goodbye. Or rather that's the way I tried to leave it, but halfway through leaving, I turned to find him staring mournfully after me. I didn't want him to cry for me, and in a burst of inspiration I knew what to say. I smirked. "Oh. And Vlad? If you had approached me a couple months earlier with that offer I might've said yes."

He blushed fiercely, and I finally left, laughing. That's how I wanted- needed- to leave him. Not with him making sad eyes, but with him on the verge of being happy if not already there. I was the invisible boy, and this was my place in the world.


End file.
